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Wide Open: My Adventures in Polyamory, Open Marriage, and Loving on My Own Terms, by Gracie X
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At a time when society no longer imposes many sexual taboos, why is open marriage still considered beyond the pale? Written by Gracie X, Wide Open is an enthusiastic, honest, and sometimes raw account of one woman’s experience living polyamorously within the context of her average American family.
Gracie X—a suburban mother of two—has been married to her loving husband, Hank, for 25 years. The problem is that their once-vibrant sex life has shriveled to nothing. Meanwhile, she has fallen in love with another man, for whom she has an overwhelming physical yearning. Frustrated and conflicted but determined not to give up her hard-won home life and wonderful husband, she is desperate for a creative solution. Can she somehow keep both men in her life without resorting to divorce or dishonesty?
A friend introduces Gracie to polyamory: loving and being faithful to more than one person at a time. “Poly,” it turns out, is a whole new world, with dedicated counselors, parties, and dating sites. Convincing Hank ended up being the easy part: he quickly found a girlfriend and accepted Gracie’s terms. Their children, although upset at first, adjusted to having their parents’ “special friends” around, and having Hank and his girlfriend in one duplex, with Gracie and her new boyfriend, Oz, next-door, seemed like an inspired solution. But would trying to go poly create as many problems as it was trying to solve?
In her candid and provocative memoir, Wide Open, Gracie details the years she has spent exploring the poly lifestyle and creating her “chosen family.” A fiercely intelligent feminist, she challenges traditional ideas about monogamy, fidelity, and sexuality. From swinger parties and strip clubs to sex toys and pornography, this is an edgy and thought-provoking read. Yet erotica and tenderness share space here, with Gracie’s true love for both Hank and Oz—as well as her two children—coming through very clearly.
Wide Open reveals—with humor, integrity and heart—how one woman blended love, sex and marriage in unconventional ways and found the fulfillment she was looking for.
- Sales Rank: #87707 in eBooks
- Published on: 2015-09-01
- Released on: 2015-09-01
- Format: Kindle eBook
Review
“Vulnerable and vivacious, Wide Open is a deeply personal, beautifully written tale of one woman’s erotic journey to find herself and keep her family together. Gracie X bares her soul in this gripping memoir filled with pain and pleasure, growth, endings, and new beginnings. I couldn’t put it down!”
—Elisabeth Sheff, author of The Polyamorists Next Door: Inside Multiple-Partner Relationships and Families (2014), and editor of Stories from the Polycule: Real Life in Polyamorous Families (2015)
“Gracie X has written an honest and engaging memoir about taking one of the biggest risks of her life—opening up her marriage despite warnings from friends and loved ones to not ‘rock the boat’ and her own fears. While honoring both her deep commitment to her husband and children and her reawakened sexuality, she shows us that, yes, we are capable of loving many people and receiving love back, as well as creating a marriage that is unique to our needs—a valuable lesson for all of us, whether polyamorous, monogamous, or monogamish.”
—Vicki Larson, award-winning journalist and coauthor of The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels
“For anyone who’s curious about how to approach polyamory or open relationships with your partner, Wide Open is a must-read. Gracie X graciously lays out her complicated journey in a funny, honest, and relatable way that will inspire others to follow their heart. Redefining the family and relationship model is not an easy task; however, Wide Open gives you hope that through honest communication, emotional maturity, and patience, anything is possible.”
—Natalia Garcia, director and creator of Showtime’s Polyamory: Married & Dating
“I was moved by Gracie X as she shared a tender, passionate, and vulnerable memoir that inspires as it warns. This book is a must-read, authentic addition to the literature on open relationships and polyamory. As an intimacy counselor, I recommend her book for those who wish to experience the real-life joys, sorrows, challenges, and gifts of alternative relationship.”
—Francesca Gentille, contributing author of The Marriage of Sex and Spirit, radio host of “Sex: Tantra and Kama Sutra,” and relationship and intimacy counselor
“This is a remarkable book. At a time when liberals and conservatives alike are embracing marriage and the nuclear family, Gracie X sends us a life raft—the bold chronicle of her quest to create a family configuration that works for her, her husband, new lover, and children. Gracie X is not only creative and brave—she is also a consummate storyteller. Be prepared for a riveting tale of her journey into intense new love while her marriage simultaneously evolves and realigns itself. For anyone weary from the dry, didactic tone of poly how-to books, this memoir provides a wealth of information about the triumphs and tribulations of exploring polyamory. And it is an indispensable resource for those seeking to forge a new way with their partners and families, expanding the bounds of even polyamory itself.”
—Ann E. Tweedy, poet and author of Beleaguered Oases (CreativePress 2010) and White Out (Green Fuse Poetic Arts 2013)
“To open her kimono and share how one woman and two families made sense of the paradox that is love, sex, family, intimacy, and honesty in our modern lives, is an act of tremendous courage and generosity. Her sassy, relatable, sexy truth-telling burns away the tarnish that convention can leave on our hearts. Even if our journeys look different than Gracie X’s (as indeed they should), let us stand up and shout out: Viva the moxie of Gracie X to open her heart and her mouth. Say it, sister!”
— LiYana Silver, mentor for Women’s Embodiment: Bringing Your Feminine Genius to Life (http://liyanasilver.com)
About the Author
Gracie X is a writer, actress, and director. She lives in Northern California. Find out more about Gracie at http://GracieX.com, and connect with her online:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/GracieXauthor
Twitter: https://twitter.com/GracieXauthor
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrpUKF87ojhzmV4uVNNyGAA
Foreword writer Carol Queen, PhD, cofounded the Center for Sex and Culture in San Francisco and is author of Real Live Nude Girl: Chronicles of Sex-Positive Culture.
Most helpful customer reviews
9 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
A funny, poignant, sexy read which makes you think about love, life and family.
By Vox Populi
I got this book on recommendation from a friend thinking it would be a fun little voyeuristic romp of a read. Boy did I get more than I bargained for. Don't get me wrong, it is a fun titillating read with many laugh-out-loud moments. It also is the most thought-provoking book I've read in a very long time.
This book tells it all on so many different levels. It is a multiple-love story. Gracie writes poignantly about her love for her husband, Hank, her children and the family they're all part of. She writes about falling in love with Oz, and trying to put that love away to maintain her family. Ultimately, she realizes that she needs to do something different but has no idea what that would look like. She starts to unpack what family, marriage, love and sex mean to her. Following her heart, (sometimes down some blind alleys), she is ultimately able to create a non-traditional vision of family which works for all of them.
Gracie takes the reader along on the ride,confessing her innermost thoughts, feelings, desires and frustrations. She pulls no punches, least of all on herself. Her writing mixes moxie, sheer determination and terrible uncertainty, erotic energy and vulnerability. It's an incredibly fun read, one which I couldn't put down.
I finished it a few days ago, but it's still in my head. It's helping me unpack questions about my own life. What parts of it would I like to change, and how would I have the guts to do it.
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
Gracie X, You're my She-Ro
By Rose
My favorite book this year! (which says a lot coming from a self proclaimed book worm) I couldn't put this courageous, sexy memoir down.
A must read for anyone who's ever had the haunting feeling that our current paradigm of matrimonial bliss is somehow amiss. I was reminded of an Alice Walker quote that states "No one is your friend who demands your silence or denies your right to grow." For how many of us has a relationship that started as something that felt limitless turned into what feels more akin to a cage? Lots of sex positive, pro-woman food for thought, whether you're in a long term relationship that could use a breath of new life, or you're currently exploring how you might want define your new relationship by your own design. For those of us willing to take what can feel like an unprecedented stance on romance, Love and sexuality, Gracie X tells us we're not alone. Her writing often feels like sharing the juicy confessions of wine time with your girls. I found myself applauding her on her journey, laughing and crying along with her. I commend her brave, saavy, bare all approach of embracing her own sexuality. I'm impressed by her ability to be simultaneously so playful and so dedicated to her own healing, both for the sake of her own happiness but also for her children and those who she defines as family.
Gracie X keeps it real, raising a lot of powerful, provocative questions without ever pretending to have all the answers. This book will definitely be the catalyst for stimulating conversation around the evolvement of 21st century Love in all of its manifestations.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
A different kind of read that I needed.
By Christy
I've put off writing this review, simply because I'm not sure how to write it. The book stirred all kinds of feelings in me, as a divorced woman in her 40s who has had marriages fail, and multiple relationships fail.
Wide Open tells the story of Gracie, who has been married many years to Hank. From my interpretation of the book, at the time they decided to open their marriage they had been married for 25 years. They had children later in life, so their son and daughter are five and ten when the decision is made.
The book chronicles their odyssey in finding discussing this decision, coming to the decision, the hard ships faced along the way. The ones that Gracie faces while trying to "date" after the decision is made? She faces what many single women in their 40s do. More difficult for us than it is for men - while Hank seems to find someone almost instantly, Gracie has issues. Further, she has feelings for a man named Oz who she taught pilates too and she really yearns to explore a relationship with him.
I found myself taking breaks from the book; yet, I did not want to stop reading. I wanted to know how this decision affected everyone involved (which I do not want to spoil by going into here). Many times, things the author said touched me and I simply had to stop reading to deal a bit with the emotions if stirred.
This book will not be for everyone. Those who do not believe in sex or any kind of intimate relationship outside of their marriage will probably not like it at all. What it did for me is bring up many good points about loving your spouse, even when the "spark" seems to die. How a person, no matter their age, wants to feel desirable and wanted by their partner; and that isn't in just a sexual manner either. It also reiterates my belief that you simply should not judge anyone else's lifestyle. What makes you happy and works for you may not work for others. To judge others and how they achieve their happiness is wrong.
I guess, for me, I was very moved by Gracie's feelings of feeling inadequate, of low self-esteem, and the frustration she felt in dealing with those emotions.
Again, not for everyone. But it was a much needed break for me as far as romance stories and the like.
*ARC received for honest review*
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